Reluctant Saint

Thus spake the high hermit. "Hate me for who I am than to love me for who I'm not."

And a thunderous applause.

"They extol me because I tell them I'm not worth it."

"They love me because I tell them I don't want them to love me."

Under the blinding limelight. Amidst the maddening crowds. Through deafening cheers. Out of 24*7*27. A regular soul.

O, my. O my, Reluctant Saint.

O Draconian Devil!

I woke up beautiful.

Said a little prayer thanking the bats were gone. To the demi-God. To the dummy God.

You are a paper onion. I crumble you and I cry.

Wait. I have a phone call.

Nuisance. You are my birthday dragging me closer to obituary.

You are stale breath. Suffocate my guy.

Left wing. Right wing. Broken wing. Castrated devil. Shattered Satan.

Half The Man I Used To Be

My steel is rusted. My aura doesn't glow. I showed him a gun, my passion refused to fade.

I'm half the man I used to be. Or was I always this much?

I left you too late. I should have never taken your fall. Why did you complete me when I had to leave you?

Now what do I shoot, the half I left or the half I'm left with?

[Thank you, Sweet Knife]

Uh..

I don't like this place. I don't. I don't. I don't.

Everybody here wants me to be smart. Everybody asks me to be a big girl. Everybody says sit quiet.

Take me away from here. Hide me in your pocket. Wear me as your cologne. Lock me inside your heart-shaped box. And drown the key.

I want to jump, sing, kick, poke tongue, scratch head, roll eyes, make a face, act stupid, play with fingers, bite your nose, draw in air, splash in mud, pull your hair again. Promise me you'll be there at the end of the day to take the kid back home.

Come, please, I'm calling..

[Thank you, Sweet Knife]

Aneurysm

I'm afraid. Hide me in your arms.

I'm sleepy. Let me retire in your lap.

I'm bored of life. Sing me a song.

Take me by your hand and lose me in the endless woods. Drench me in the blood-soaked moonlight. Flow me in the waters of the lake of fire. Forget me in the maze of your dreams.

My meek prophet. My desert oasis. My winter sun. My cup of milk. My goodnight's sleep. My alpha. My omega. My beautiful man.

You won't hurt me na?

the Mirage

Airs gurgle by, the dance of the torrents, the blanching sun. And the scalding desire to attain Nirvana.

The wretched traveller, his slowing steps, his stopping breath, his dying hope.. And The Mirage.

Now, there's no escape.

Come to me. You're doomed.

The Last Stop

For the love of my life, to which I committed, myself as the sole reason of my sustenance

Those long tiring walks through unlit dreams, unreasoned yearnings by twilight, unsung songs to which I slept each dawn.. All for a journey, and no destination

To finally reach you.

In the blink of the eye, in the tear that poured out in prayer, in the whiff of breeze which the birds bring from far away skies..

O, love of two! I remain with no choice, but to announce you as me..

My December

This is my time of the year. My December.

My snow-covered trees. My house with the chimney. My old brown Dashund. My chilly winds.

This December of mine. The elixir of my life. The perfect excuse for vacation. The time for new start. The last piece of my puzzle.

I have it. It has me.

And the figure that stands at the door. Awaiting my coming home..

In my December. And ever.

Blank Noise

I'm making blank noise

Muffled screams. Stifled gasps. Choked sobs.

Your love is my bleach. My aphrodite. My bread and butter.

Will you shoot the demon of my soul? Will you eat my cancer? Will you kiss my open sores?

Don't you hear me?

The Fool’s plunge

It was just another moment of insanity. He flung the files away, threw his muffler aside and held his head in his hands. He couldn’t take it anymore. How different could his fate be had it not been for that fateful summer morning. He was losing control over his conscious, letting it flow back to that one morning..

It was a sunny May day. Perfectly regular. Burnt omelets for breakfast, the crumpled clothes which he considered uber-cool, the same monotonous commute in the Metro. Everything was so usual. Even God couldn’t have predicted that day.

But it had to happen. All the roads led to that square that day. No escape. He wouldn’t have wanted it either.

His eyes were flushed red. Something was knotting inside him. Where am I? Back to senses.

He felt helpless. The tide of destiny had drifted him far too away from his comfort. It was all hazy before his eyes. He couldn’t go back now. And he could see no way ahead.

And he realised, it was the day for which he’d been living all his life. The journey which he set out on had reached its destination. The task on his shoulders had been accomplished. The elixir of life couldn’t delude him further.

He could see the city from there. How hopelessly people entangle themselves in the chores of life. The meaning to his existence had been found. One deep breath, and he set himself free from the last shackle that kept him tied. It was the time for a new start.

It wasn't me..

No. It wasn't me.

The blood-shot eyes, piercing through my composition

The eyes that fight to betray the truth in the heart

Break me, quash my soul
Sing me the beats of a dying heart

Shattered glass, splattered blood

Why must you think? Why must you question?

Don't look at me like this. You know it.
Don't look at me like this. It wasn't me.

Our true love

I'll break you.

I won't deceive you. Stab you. Burn you. Strangle you.

You won't go to pieces. You'll evaporate. Vanish.

I'll rise you in my love.

So high up where there's only loneliness.

I'll do everything you could ever ask for.

Yet you'll cry.

Yet you'll die.

With each day that passes by.

The Zahir

Stop haunting me.

It started as a fleeting thought. It turned into an obsession.

It's all getting hazy before the mist in my eyes. What do I see? Why isn't it you whom I see?

It's over me now. It's what I want to get now. It's what that will put me to rest, now.

You're a fucking fungus.

It's grown on me. Nourishing on my peace. Thriving on my security. Eating me from within. Wasting me. Leaving me with nothing but itself.

It cannot be seen, yet is everywhere around.

What if I never find you? Where will this circle terminate? Have you blessed me to decay in your wish?

End my pain. Come to me.

Today..?

It is a good day today. Are you feeling happy, R?

Pigeons are flying away from a terrace that I see from this window. Will you wave at me standing there?

Sun has shied behind the clouds. It's a soothing breeze that's coming to us. Are you somewhere around?

It's raining now. Do you remember how you were scolded by Rashmi Mam when you exclaimed at the sudden drizzle?

I don't get a word out of the sludge removal this woman is reading out. I can hear Bryan Adams singing "Here I Am." Will you sing me a song?

I'm wearing a suit after ages today. The salwar is too long for me to walk properly. Will you compliment me?

I cannot hold myself surther in this room. I wish to prance on the terrace, arms outstretched, singing in overwhelmed spells of happiness gone out of control. Will you join me?

Come today, R..

| P E A C E |

In the tanks and ICBMs..

In Yoga and Pranayam..

In sermons and namaaz..

The doves and the olives.

After the end-sems. After attending the nature's call. In a deep bite of Cadbury. Over the hills. In the mustard fields. Watching the sunrise. A violin's whisper. The twinkle in a puppy's eye. Letting the balloons off from hands. Pigeons landing and taking off. The view of the city from a high-rise at the night time. Walking on dew in the morning.

I am here. I'm Real.

Somewhere in the vast stretches of Punjab

Amidst those seamless mustard fields

The silky sunshine, the aromatic breeze

Orange tarred horizon blending with carpet of yellow

Whiff of fresh life infused in each breath

The fertile lands, the virile skies

I close my eyes

I see nothing.

And I realise,

After being here, there's nothing that needs be seen...